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Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

May 14, 2012

Damn right there is. There’s also hate at first sight, envy at first sight, and I think you’re a god damned asshole at first sight. Love at first sight means nothing except you think with your groin, and that makes you pretty much like every other person in history, ever since some sweaty cave man reached out and grabbed a cave woman’s tit right after saying hello. You also have “love after I’ve hated you worse than syphilis for a year,” and that’s for people too dainty to admit they liked the way each other smelled the first time they got within 10 feet. Without love at first sight rodents would rule the Earth, because during a two year long courtship you might be stomped by some huge fucking mastodon, have your skull smashed in by some other suitor who doesn’t dick around, or get transferred to a different job in cold, crappy place where none of the movie theaters has more than three screens.

Aye, that’s pretty much what it was like the first time my wife saw me, but without the bad hand gestures and her calling me an asshole.

If you have a question you want me to answer later on, then you’re a cheery mince pie of a person, my friend, and I’d buy you a present if I wasn’t as mean as a shark with the clap. But if you leave your question in the comments, I will answer it. I thank you, and may angels sing you to your rest.

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