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Why couldn’t the Romans and the English ever beat Scotland?

May 18, 2012

Full Question: Why could the Romans and the English never totally beat the Scottish in war?

The Romans and English were too damn smart for their own good. They both invaded the shit out of Scotland for hundreds of years, and they gave the Scots a good ass pounding almost every time. Then after some vicious stealing and murder and burning people’s houses down, most of them looked around, got bored, and wandered back south again. The ones who stayed behind built big houses and castles, and they tried to tell the Scots what to do. But when they figured out you can’t get a Scot to do a god damn thing unless you cut his fucking nuts off, they got homesick for the lands of soft beds and stupid peasants, and they dragged their asses back south too. The only ones who invaded Scotland and made a go of it were the Vikings, which is why so many of us have hair redder than a baboon’s ass. They Vikings were stupid as hell, and that’s why they won.

The symbol of Scottish resistance: obstinate, hairy, and happy to just stand there and chew cud until you take your ass home. Photo by Peter van der Sluijs.

If you have a question you want me to answer later on, then you’re a cheery mince pie of a person, my friend, and I’d buy you a present if I wasn’t as mean as a shark with the clap. But if you leave your question in the comments, I will answer it. I thank you, and may angels sing you to your rest.


From → Answers, Humor, Life

  1. fuck permalink

    don’t talk shite!
    scotland is anunconqoured nation.
    is it not?

    • Damned right! Make the bastards lives miserable, wait them out, and throw shite at them as they walk back home like kicked dogs.

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