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Which is better, boxers or briefs?

May 31, 2012

The man who invented briefs should have his manly parts pounded into a muffin tin with a three-pound mallet every day for all of fucking eternity. Now look, briefs are okay for about twelve men on the planet. But if no one except a leprechaun can see the waistband of your briefs past your gargantuan, sweaty belly, you aren’t one of those men. When most of us drag on a pair of those miserable white testicle-stranglers, our hairy asses look like the twin moons of Mars. If you look like Michelangelo sculpted you from the nipples down, you might be one of those twelve men, but only if you don’t mind getting your dick crammed into your shorts like a giant toy snake into a god damned peanut can. And even if you aren’t hung like a Brontosaurus, you should worry that if you twist your willie up like that it may stay that way. So if you think wearing a straitjacket for your damned groin makes you look like some unstoppable cyclone of sex, you’re wrong. And if you think you’re charming when you get drunk and spray tequila fumes into a woman’s face from two inches away, you’re not, so cut it the fuck out.

I couldn’t find any pictures of briefs that didn’t make me nauseated, so here’s a picture of a kitten. Its face looks like mine did while I was searching for pictures of briefs.

If you want me to answer a question for you, just leave it in a comment. That would be polite of you, and I’ll remember you in my prayers along with Sir Sean Connery and the Laphroaig distillery.

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From → Humor, Thoughts

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