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Why is the sky blue? (And what does booze have to do with it?)

June 6, 2012

Because five-year-old girls hate us. Most of us have no god damn idea why the sky is blue, other than something called “refraction.” We might as well say the sky is blue because of “demodulation” or “hyperconjugation,” because we don’t know what the hell those are either. When you tell a little girl the sky is blue because of “refraction,” you might as well give her a bottle of Jim Beam and tell her to figure it out herself. Little girls know we’re full of crap, and they want to make sure we know it too. So they ask us about the blue sky, and when we babble about refraction, or clouds leaking, or angels freezing their blue asses off in Heaven, they nod with big eyes and grin inside knowing that someday they’ll be voting on whether or not we get Social Security. And why do these girls hate us? Because the universe loves to see us scramble like a hamster in a toilet while we try to come up with some answer that doesn’t make us look like the biggest god damn moron that ever lived.

The sky is blue to give me something to do with my camera that cost more than a colonoscopy.

Give me something to do other than clean the garage, listen to bagpipes and eat Fig Newtons. Send me a question in a comment. For the good people who’ve submitted a question already, they’re in the queue, and I’ll get to them when I’ve finished this bottle of Dalwhinnie.

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From → Answers, Humor, Life

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