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Does the Loch Ness Monster Really Exist?

July 3, 2012

Of course Nessie exists! What a question. Real people have seen her, and some of them have been sober. They even shot a movie of her, although I guess that doesn’t mean shit since that Kiwi bastard made Middle Earth look as real as downtown Edinburgh. So what if some scientists in their wee piss ant boats with surplus sonar that Jaques Cousteau pitched in the rubbish bin along with his three-day-old foie gras couldn’t find her? Loch Ness is the biggest damned loch in Scotland, and Nessie could fit in the bloody thing more than 400 million times over. Hell, if you’re like me, you can’t even find your glasses when you know damned well the fuckers are somewhere in the kitchen. Go to Loch Ness and see for yourself. And buy a t-shirt while you’re there, my niece is saving money for university.

Nessie: she cruises and looks damned posh doing it, therefore she is.

Comment to submit a question for me to answer if you like. This one came from a charming reader, so you can see that I answer them when nothing good is on the telly and the topless bars are closed.

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From → Answers, Humor

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