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What’s up with carrying small, yappy dogs in purses?

July 10, 2012

Full Question: Why do some women want to carry small, yappy dogs in their purses and why do dogs allow it?

Because they want to do evil. Think about it, if Satan carried a yelping Pekingese in his Bank of America messenger bag, no one would notice him corrupting souls and wrecking the institutions of God and man. We’d all be thinking about hurling that yipping little son of a bitch under a monster truck, or distracting him with a nice blood pudding, or at least teaching him to stop barking, and to growl or fart instead whenever he sees another life form bigger than bacteria. Meanwhile, Satan would be making the rest of the fucking politicians go insane and creating American Idol spin-offs, and we wouldn’t notice that any more than we’d notice some magician make the Rocky Mountains disappear, just because his pants were so tight we could see the wrinkles in his junk, and we were staring at his assistant with her tits hanging out. So when you see a yippy dog woman, watch out she doesn’t steal your shit, or put porn on your computer, or make you talk about politics on god damned Facebook like she did me. And the dogs don’t give a fuck because they’re just mean enough to like taking a crap in a purse.

“Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap!” (Pay no attention to the woman behind me…)

Join the elite few, most likely drunk, readers who have submitted questions by commenting. I really do answer them.


From → Answers, Humor, Philosophy

  1. Alex Jones permalink

    Funny and sad, the new fashion accessory along with the maxed out credit card and lipstick, a dog in the purse.

    • Yes, what will it be in 10 years? Rattlesnake stapled to the forehead?

      • Alex Jones permalink

        Knowing the fashion freaks probably. You should trademark that idea and cash in on when it happens 🙂

  2. Steven Reneau permalink

    Remember the good old days when women carried a pistol, a flask and a gram of cocaine in their bags?

    • Yeah, that was a combination that said “party.” Or “Bible Camp.” Or about anything else in my hometown.

  3. TrueBlue permalink

    That way when everyone around the girl gets sick & tired of the incessent yapping… She can blame the dog

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