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Why does time seem to pass faster as you get older?

July 30, 2012

Because we get bored so god damn easy. I mean, when you were a baby you could spend half a day amazed by the fact that you could fart. Now you’re not even aware of your own farts, although you notice that your spouse’s farts are like mustard gas. The world is full of astounding shit, but when you get bored with a thing, then that’s one less thing in the world to pay attention to. Just think back to the first time you used Velcro. Hell, you could spend an hour a day just mashing the fucker closed and ripping it open again. But later on you got bored and didn’t even think about Velcro anymore, and that hour a day went tits up. Where did that hour a day go? Into god damn nowhere! You lost it, because what’s as much fun as Velcro? Not a fucking thing, that’s what! Every day there’s less and less shit in the world that we’re not already bored with. So the day may seem like 24 hours when we’re babies enthralled with puking and sucking on toy giraffes. But by the time we’re old sons of bitches like me, the day seems like 30 minutes of trying to stand up straight in the morning and choosing food that won’t give us the runs.

Once we forsake the slobbery toy giraffe, can death be far behind?

Photo by Pieter Schepens

Dougal takes on the tough, philosophical questions, and not every answer involves quite so many bodily functions as this one. Send him any questions in a comment if you please.


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