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Why was there a giant inflatable octopus onstage at the Olympics Closing Ceremonies?

August 19, 2012

The real question is, why weren’t there more of them? And a Styrofoam flounder as big as a damn steam engine, and a few ambulance-sized squirrels and pigeons? That would have been a brilliant fucking masterpiece of artistic metaphor to close these Olympics with. The octopus represents the idea that a six hour chunk of Olympic programming should have 30 minutes of little girls twirling ribbons, two and a half hours of commercials for expensive cars and cheap chicken sandwiches, a 30 minute documentary about how to eat fish and chips out of a filthy newspaper, a 20 minute Michael Phelps interview, 10 minutes of hurdles, pole vault, high jump, wrestling, weight lifting, decathlon, and all that other bullshit the Greeks used to waste their time on, and two hours of god damned beach volleyball. A gargantuan, unexplained octopus made of Saran Wrap unfolding in the middle of the stage is the perfect symbol for these Olympics. The man who thought of it was a damned creative genius. And when a gnarled, crusty-looking fellow named Fatboy Slim jumped out of the octopus’s skull I damn well cheered, even though I’d never heard of him, and he looked like he ought to be out drinking a pint with Darby O’Gill and Sean Connery. And when Eric Idle started whistling blasphemy standing  between some nuns, Indians doing Hindu River Dance, and the Highland Regiment pipers, I thought we might see a god damn religious war right there. So my question for you, laddie, is with everything else going on, how did you even notice the fucking octopus?

This thing would have dominated the crap out of the US beach volleyball team.

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From → Answers, Humor, Thoughts

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