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Is there life on other planets?

August 28, 2012

I expect that when you say life, you mean something bigger than a wee fragment you could blow out your nose when some nasty, perfume-drenched tart gets on the elevator and makes you sneeze so hard you see the Archangel Michael. If that’s right, then of course there’s life on other planets. They might be those skinny bastards, or they might have man parts along with woman parts, or they might have knees where their tits should be, but they’re out there. Hell, we’ve got more galaxies crashing around in the universe than we have brain cells killed by you and me together. If god damn Gene “Fire the Photon Torpedoes” Roddenberry can think up aliens like slithering silicone boulders, and blue bastards with crap sticking all out of their heads, and monsters that look like Ronny Howard’s little brother with a turnip-skull, then don’t you think the universe can come up with some kind of life form that’s at least as smart as a high school freshman? Of course it can. And maybe they’re on their way to Earth right now, and maybe they’re not, but if they show up you can bet that Jeff Goldblum won’t wipe out the lot of them with a fucking computer virus. They’ll have stuff that will kick the shit out of Norton and McAfee put together, I’ll tell you that for damn sure. I don’t know about you, but I plan to just say fuck all to interplanetary war, bake the aliens a cake and ask them in to watch Ghostbusters.

Samantha knows how to show alien life forms some proper hospitality.

Publicity photo from Bewitched. Pictured are Samantha (Elizabeth Montgomery) and Steve Franken.
Aunt Clara attempts to conjure a toy space ship, but the spell backfires and conjures real space aliens instead. Hijinks ensue. Aired April 18, 1968.

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From → Answers, Humor, Life

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